My First Thai Massage

True to form we'd been in Thailand 48 hours and we've made it to the beach.  After a short & sweet arrival in Bangkok we hopped on an overnight bus to a catamaran ferry that took us to the backpackers haven of Koh Phangnan where partying and nursing hangovers on the beach are the number one pastimes.
But best of all is we have a noble excuse to spend at least a month in this shangi-la of over-indulgence and late night action.  Yes, Mere is doing a 4 week yoga teachers training here where she'll learn to design & lead sequences of postures that will bring a body back into healthy alignment as well as vipassana meditation to straighten out the mind & awareness.  Meanwhile, my plan is to get decidedly bent out of shape physically and mentally from long hours rocking out on the dance floors of the many all-night (and we're talking 11pm-11am here!) house/trance/techno parties you can find on our neighbouring beaches almost every other night of the week.  All the better for Mere to practice her new found skills on, eh!  Fortunately, Mere's schedule has weekends free which means she'll be rocking her body next to mine at Guys Bar on Haad Thien on Friday nights.
For those of you familiar to this party party island, we are staying in the very beautiful and quiet Why Nam Bay resort in a gorgeous beach hut, once again over looking the ocean and very private.  Why Nam is a little cove next to Haad Thien beach which is next to Haad Yuen beach, both of which are a 200 baht ($6) boat ride from Haad Rin which is where the infamous "Full Moon" Parties are held.   Mere marvels at the growth of this quiet little beachside town was into a fully commercialized industry devoted to the partying needs of Westerners but it's been 9 years since she was here helping to establish it's nefarious reputation.  Here's my ethical stance on unchecked tourist-driven growth after the conservative Hinduism of India:  I just love the ability to buy a beer and a monster fatty* in a restaurant/club which I can then drink and smoke in until 6am while the dj continuously cranks out quality thumpin' house to move my body to. And, Red Bull's only 30 baht ($1) here too!
(* for those of you over 60, a "monster fatty" is a marijuana cigarette that is large in proportion)
So after first arriving and exploring what will be our playground for the next month, Mere & I stumbled upon a large hut by the beach with a typical palm thatched roof.  Outside were 5 beautiful & burly Thai women hanging out, waiting for customers like us, with a sign that said "Thai Massage, Foot Massage, Oil Massage".  We eagerly stepped off the sand as an hour would only cost us 250 baht ($8) and Mere was committed to putting her feet into an hour of bliss that she'd been missing since the last time she was here.  Since we were in Thailand and having heard only good things about them, I opted for a traditional Thai massage.
The hut was one large room with 5 futons in it so after our feet were scrubbed and washed we were brought inside and Mere laid down with a big smile on her face and feet.  I however, hadn't dressed for success, as I was wearing my bathing suit & sarong which the ladies looked at disapprovingly.   Rin, who would be working on my computer-atrophied muscles, quickly produced a pair of loose fitting Thai pants for me to wear but there was no where to get changed.  So as awkwardly as possible I got to perform my best imitation of a big dumb white guy getting changed under a towel in front of giggling Thai women.  I followed this with demonstrating how NOT to wear a pair of Thai pants (who knew there was a right way when you've never worn a pair?) and finally lay down expecting a soothing and relaxing one hour treatment...unrealistically.
Now that I've survived my first Thai massage experience I can  set more realistic expectations like...my muscles will be worked deeply...or I may experience some discomfort as she works her forearm & body weight into my neglected tendons and ligaments...or ask myself, do I really feel like going to the edge of my physical comfort zone right now?
Regardless, there I lay and Rin, whose about a third the size of my body with long black hair and intense eyes, began to work my feet.with expert hands and shoulders like a line backer.  I took some deep relaxing breaths as I've had my fair share of body work and have always been told to focus on my breathing to help relax.  Rin's hands were honing right in on every major muscle group and soon I was breathing hard, trying not to flinch as I could feel she was doing a good job on the countless tight spots she was uncovering.  I quickly learned that Thai massage is very much like being in a pro wrestling match where you get to play dead and your opponent exerts all their effort into releasing and working out the years of accumulated micro trauma in your body. 
As Rin progressed up my body she started doing all sorts of foot and leg holds while plunging her fore arms into my arches, my calves, my thighs.  Soon my breathing was getting laboured as I was doing my best to not succumb to my muscles instinctive response to flinch, guard or run away from the deep work they were getting .  But I've never been that good at keeping quiet and soon I was wimpering and flinching involuntarily.  Rin looked up from embedding her elbow into my inner thigh and said "You okay?" to which I responded with a guttural grunt of "Uh-huh" and quick nod of the head.  My wimpering and grunts were soon bringing giggles and shaking heads from Rin's co-workers as she worked me over like a rag doll.   But I was way past caring as Rin was meticulously and thoroughly getting into every major knot and restriction I had and opening them up in the most direct way possible.
Unfortunately, my increasing state of relaxation got me into trouble as at one point Rin had me put my hands behind my head and told me to 'lock fingers".  She then put her arms so that she had me in what  wrestling fans know as a full nelson and started to open my chest out by pulling my shoulders back and shoulder blades together.  It all felt great but as I relaxed into it my fingers pulled apart allowing my head to fall back onto Rin's forehead with a resounding "thunk".  This slap stick maneuver brought even more laughter from those observing and fortunately, I could feel Rin chuckling as well so no permanent damage was done other than to my ego.  It's hard to appear graceful in moments like that let me tell you.
After a few more full body wrestling moves that cracked parts of me like a walnut, Rin lay me out on the matt, slapped me on the shoulder and declared "You finished".  My body and mind were in complete agreement.
Groggily I eventually sat up, turned to Rin and seeing her hands in prayer position, immediately followed suit and we bowed to each other, looking each other in the eyes.  Rin's had the look of the tigers that live here in Thailand and I definitely felt like she'd had me for lunch.  As respectfully as I could I croaked out the only Thai I've learned which sounded like "Cap coon cap" and hopefully translates to "Thank you" if spoken by a man.
As I dazedly paid, the women continued giggling and shaking their heads at the stunned, dopey expression on my face.  Mere and I shuffled our way back to our secluded hut with it's comfortable, mosquito netted king-size bed.  That night, with my body feeling delicate, I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep with the sound of surf from the beach lulling me away.  It was only a little bit sore the next day and I was even able to get it through a morning yoga practice overlooking the ocean while Mere started the first day of her course.
And so I survived my first Thai massage, now we'll just have to see if it will survive the constant schedule of all-night dancing this place is famous for!